i don't think some ppl can understand how important my dances are to me. they've all represented a stage in life that i'm in, its my way of dealing. my way of facing up to things. my way of forcing myself to accept things. when i choreograph a dance, i put my heart and soul (as cliche as it sounds) into it. every emotion i show, is something that i feel or felt. that's why i take my dances very seriously. i'm putting my life out there to be watched.

that's why i love dance so much. its my escape. my world, where no one can shatter. where i can throw myself into everything and just feel. its like a drug-induced high. haha.

it sometimes feels that even though i haven't left, the distance already exists. the hole that i will be leaving is already being filled up, perhaps unconsciously. i'm so tired. i have no energy to make that space anymore. as much as i hate it, i feel like maybe i should just resign to fate. i'm escaping to my world of dance again, just like dance night last year and e year before.

its like you all see me now, but never really seeing me anymore.

: autumn :: paolo nutini :